I Can See It All
Farage, Chorus
Full stage, English pub
Nigel Farage sits at table with pint
It’s amazing how ideas start
I said Nigel, it’s the right thing to do
Maybe it’s life’s purpose
Maybe I’ve been put upon this earth to see it through
I could set us free
It’s becoming clear to me
Stands up and walks forward
I can see it all
Taking our country back, the country that I love
Breaking free is our destiny, to new heights above
I can see it all
Families united on our Independence Day
Standing back on our own two feet
Making our own way
Politics needs some spicing up
I think it’s clear the status quo has got to go
I can break the bonds that tie us
When it comes to chaos you ain’t seen nuthin’ yet
I can set us free
It’s very clear to me
I can see it all
Taking our country back, the country that I love
Breaking free is our destiny, to new heights above
I can see it all
Millions of smiling faces on our Independence Day
Two world wars and one world cup
Making our own way
The whole world will be against us
The global elite, the press, of course the BBC
But we are strong and we are many
We see the future, in a world where we are free
It isn’t only me
It’s my friends from LBC
And even my friend Donald agrees
Holds up phone
Photo of Trump and Farage shows on screen
Many hurdles lie before us
Fear and worry they will place along our way
But they can’t buy me, I’m not for sale
Leading from the front I see a brighter day
And if it’s not, you see
It’s not the end for me
I’ll go and live with my wife in Germany
(Chorus in pub join in backing)
(Ah)
I can see it all
Taking our country back, the country that I love
(Country that I love)
Rising to our destiny, to new heights above
(To new heights above)
(Chorus walk forward)
I can see it all
The flag of St George flying on our Independence Day
Standing back on our own two feet
Making our own way
(With Chorus) Standing back on our own two feet
Making our own way
We Don’t Need Experts Any More
Gove, Bullingdon Boys
Apron
Michael Gove appears from side, just in time to
introduce himself
Good evening
My name is Michael Gove
You’re about to hear a story of
Deception, betrayal and despair
Some may say I caused a lot of that
But really I don’t believe that’s fair
Don’t listen to anyone
Who tells you how things should be
Just listen to me
We don’t need experts any more
We don’t need experts any more
We don’t need experts any more
Except for me that is
We don’t need experts any more
Nigel – don’t listen to him
He was never elected, never will be
He has his fantasies - don’t we all
But his influence is limited, mostly to the TV
Don’t listen, don’t listen to anyone
Who tells how things are
Just listen to my friends here
Three men enter in Eton/Bullingdon suits and top hats
(BB) We don’t need experts any more
(BB) We don’t need experts any more
(G) It’s the Bullingdon Boys
(BB) We don’t need experts any more
(G) Well said boys
(BB) We don’t need experts any more
(G) And here’s someone else I need to mention…
Jeremy Corbyn – don’t listen to him
Never liked the EU, thought them too far right
He has some fans for now - let’s see how long that lasts
When you get in power, things aren’t so black and white
Don’t listen, don’t listen to anyone
Who wants to run your life
And redistribute your wealth
Bullingdon Boys release sleeves to show Latin-American
multi-coloured sleeves
And dance
(BB) We don’t need experts any more
(G) Certainly not the Bolshevik type anyway
(BB) We don’t need experts any more
(G) For the many not the few
(BB) We don’t need experts any more
(G) Except the few is you
(BB) We don’t need experts any more
(G) I think you’re getting the message now
Cameron – don’t listen to him
He’s had a good run, but can’t control his troops now
He may be PM, but too blind to see
Power shifting to the hands of other groups now
They’re all a bit thick you see
They all come for help to me
And I have the dirt on them all
(BB) We don’t need experts any more
(G) We don’t need experts any more
(BB) We don’t need experts any more
(G) We don’t need experts any more
(BB) We don’t need experts any more
(G) We don’t need experts any more
(BB) We don’t need experts any more
(G) It’s all starting to kick off now…
No Choice
Cameron (C), Individual supporters (S1, S2)
Leave Tories (LT), Remain Tories (RT)
Full stage
Cabinet sits on far side of long table, concerned and
arguing with each other
Leave supporters on left, remain on right
Space in centre for Prime Minister
(S1) The cabinet is waiting for you Mr Cameron
Prime Minister Cameron enters and goes to his place,
but remains standing
(C) There’s a problem in our party
And it’s tearing us apart
(LT) Party apart, party apart
(RT) Party apart, party apart
(C) Too many are obsessed
With our place in Europe’s heart
(LT) Get us out, get us out
(RT) Keep us in, keep us in
(C) What can I do?
If I don’t lance the boil
It could break us in two
Supporter 1 stands
(S1) Call a referendum, it’s the right thing to do
(C) I have no choice
Cameron walks forward from the table
Some of his supporters follow him
I can give them their vote
And be done with these men
(LT) Referendum, referendum
(RT) No referendum, no referendum
(C) It worked with the Scots
They won’t try that again
(LT) Call it now, call it now
(RT) Call it off, call it off
(C) What can I do?
If I don’t stop the rot
It could break us in two
(S1) Call a referendum, it’s the right thing to do
(C) I have no choice
(S1) I believe our future lies with France and Germany
Everything’s connected, our entire economy
(S2) We’ve been part of it for 50 years, we really shouldn’t risk it
(S1) I can’t believe they’d take us out, that really takes the biscuit
(S2) Call their bluff, give them the choice, they’d never see it through
(S1) They’re really not that stupid, well OK maybe a few
(C) Alright we’ll call a vote, let the people have their say
(S2) I think that we should do it, as we’d win it anyway
(C, S1, S2, RT) They won’t win
This will be forgotten
This time next year
No-one will be talking about Europe
(S1) So we’re really going to do it
And be finished with this game
(LT) Oh yes, oh yes
(RT) Oh no, oh no
(C) Now we just need to tell the people
Why they should remain
(LT) Vote to leave, vote to leave
(RT) Vote to stay, vote to stay
(C, S1) What could go wrong?
(C) We will put this to bed now
The time is overdue
(S1) Call a referendum, it’s the only thing to do
(C) I had no choice
Which Way Should I Go
Johnson
Apron
Johnson enters wearing guitar
Strums guitar
Alia iacta est
The die is cast
Warriors prepare
The battle starts
Who will be standing
When the bloodletting ends?
Could it be me
On the steps of Number 10?
This is my destiny
To be part of history
This question in front of me
Is my opportunity
Yes it was meant to be
My days as Mayor of London
Were just a stepping stone
I made my mark with Boris Bikes
Olympics, Congestion Zone
None of those were due to me
But I’m happy to take the glory
It’s not about the facts you know
It’s all about the story
‘Cos this is my destiny
To be part of history
This question in front of me
Is my opportunity
Yes it was meant to be
But what about Europe?
My instincts are to remain
I want to build bridges
To be inclusive is my game
London is a wondrous melting pot
From the world over we have the lot
So many souls, cradle to grave
And I don’t want to run against my friend Dave
But the biggest question again
Will it lead me to Number 10?
Stops playing
But let’s look at this the other way…
Rotates guitar to be left-handed
Starts playing again
I’ve criticized Brussels for many years
Euro-coffins, kippers, banana police
Was it all true? Well that’s not really the point
If you want the facts try the BBC
Every day my confidence grows
Like Churchill stood against his foes
Fortune favours the brave
But will it get me what I crave?
Rotates guitar back to right-handed
Starts playing again
This is my destiny
To be part of history
This question in front of me
Is my opportunity
Yes it was meant to be
I need some advice
From someone I really trust
Someone whose talents
I admire very much
Cameron? - No
Gove? – No
My wife? – No!
Talks into telephone
Hello Jennifer? Can I come round?
Walks offstage
Good For Each Other
Arcuri (A), Johnson (J)
Full stage
Arcuri’s flat, kitchen and sitting area, with platform
and pole
Arcuri leaning over kitchen top
Johnson enters
Club music
(J) Hey Jen
(A) Hey Boris
(J) I feel my chance is coming Jen
I mustn’t let is pass
(A) I know babe, I know babe
To audience
Is he looking at my ass?
He just can’t seem to stay
Away from me too long
That’s how he is with me
And I just play along
(J) I’m feeling so much pressure Jen
I need to keep my cool
(A) Don’t worry babe, don’t worry babe
You were born to rule
Approach each other
(Both) We’re good for each other
Just give me a call
Stay cool when times are changing
And we can have it all
Johnson walks away, pensive
(J) I’ve got some big decisions Jen
I’m not sure what to do
(A) Don’t worry babe don’t worry babe
I’m sure I can help you
To audience
Men just trip over their dicks for me
Fall in love with me so fast
But – c’est la vie
To Johnson
It takes a special kinda guy
To really take control
To take the country forward
You were born to take this role
(Both) We’re good for each other
We can have it all
Move up to the next level
(J) I’ll have them at my call
(A) I’ll have him at my
To audience
(A) It’s clear to me
He’s gonna be a big thing
I think he’s gonna go far
And if I’m right
If he’s gonna do that
Then I can be a part
Watch this
Arcuri leads him to pole and starts dancing
Pauses
(A) Hey babe can I get a grant for my new hi-tech company?
(J) Yes of course Jen
Dances again then pauses
(A) Hey babe can I go with you on the next trade mission?
(J) Yes of course Jen
Stops dancing
We’re good for each other (yeah)
We can have it all
Move up to the next level
(J) And I can have it all
(A) And I can have it all
We’re good for each other
We can have it all
Stay cool when times are changing
And we can have it all
Walk offstage, hand in hand
Middle Of Nowhere
Cable (C), Chorus (Ch)
Apron
Cable runs on looking at phone just before speaking
Is that true what I just heard
That can’t be right, it’s absurd
We’re having a vote
And might leave the EU
I’m sorry I didn’t tell you my name
I’m Vince Cable and I’m a Lib Dem
You may know of us
I certainly hope so
The right-wing Tories are getting more power
And Labour get more left-wing by the hour
We’re very central
Somewhere between those two
Our base is growing, or so it would seem
Mainly because we don’t do extreme
But does that help us in Parliament?
It doesn’t seem to
Curtains open to show full stage
With others, looking at phones and newspapers
The system here
We’re stuck with it
Means if you come third
(Ch) You get jack shit
(C) I’m a Liberal
Liberal Democrat
I’m a Liberal
Liberal Democrat
(Ch) Oh..
Middle of the road
Centre of politics
(Ch) Middle of nowhere
(C) I like Europe
(Ch) Yes we know
(C) In fact we’re the only party who are totally pro
(Ch) So?
(C) But we don’t get enough votes to make a difference
(Ch) Bad luck Vince
(C) Now don’t patronise us
(Ch) We don’t know you stay afloat
Cos’ a vote for Vince is a wasted vote
(C) But we might win
(Ch) No chance of that, believe us
(C) But the EU is cool
Together we grow
We’re all one family
(Ch) We don’t think so
(C) I’m a Liberal
Liberal Democrat
I’m a Liberal
Liberal Democrat
(Ch) Oh..
(C) Centre of politics
Middle of the road
Centre of politics
(Ch) Middle of nowhere
Nowhere, nowhere, nowhere
Nowhere, nowhere, nowhere
(C) I think it’s time for a history lesson
Chorus part to leave space centre stage
Two dancers enter, representing UK and Europe
After the war, Europe was a mess
The British tried to help, they did their best
The Americans helped with Roosevelt
Dancer representing USA enters
But they had their eyes on another threat
Dancer representing USSR enters
(Ch) Rossiya svyashchennaya nasha derzhava
Rossiya lyubimaya nasha strana
(C) Europe grew to be strong again
Europe dancer reveals EU flag top
Britain wanted to join so they could trade with them
Europe wasn’t so sure that we would play along
But finally agreed, and then we were as one
The Eastern threat suddenly fell away
Dancer representing USSR leaves
So the Americans were less keen to stay
Dancer representing USA leaves
(Ch) Oh say can you see
By the dawn’s early light
What so proudly we hailed
At the twilight’s last gleaming
(C) Europe now wants to move towards being one nation
But many in Britain want to keep some separation
And that’s where we stand, where we stand today
Will we go
(Ch) Will we go
Will we go
(All) Or will we stay?
Division chorus
Farage (F), Cameron (Ca), Johnson (J), Cable (Cb), Corbyn (Co), Leave chorus (LCh),
Remain chorus (RCh)
Full stage
Chorus milling around centrally, looking confused
Farage takes Leave Podium on left, still holding pint
Leave chorus listen
(F) We don’t want no European super-state
We don’t want no unelected bureaucrats
(LCh) We don’t want no European super-state
We don’t want no unelected bureaucrats
(F) Give us our country back
We want our country back
Use the money for the NHS
(LCh) Give us our country back
We want our country back
Give us back our democracy
Cameron takes Remain Podium on right
Remain chorus listen
(Ca) We are better together
We must not lose our influence
(RCh) We are better together
We must not lose our influence
(Ca) We rely on the single market
And customs union
(RCh) We rely on the single market
And customs union
(Ca) European I’m European and I will always be European
(RCh) European we’re European and we will always be European
European we’re European and we will always be European
Corbyn enters dressed as Jesus and takes central
Podium
Full chorus listen
(Ch) It’s Jeremy, it’s Jeremy
He’s going to tell us what to do
It’s Jeremy, it’s Jeremy
He’s going to tell us what to do
Oh Jeremy Corbyn
Oh Jeremy Corbyn
(Co) Greetings my followers
I will always stand by you
I have always worked for you
And I intend to continue
(Ch) Oh Jeremy Corbyn
Oh Jeremy Corbyn
(Co) I vow to nationalise all public services
(Ch) Hurray!
(Co) And will properly fund the NHS
(Ch) Hurray!
(Co) I will close down all of our tax havens
(Ch) Hurray!
(Co) And guarantee a minimum living wage
(Ch) Hurray!
(Ch) But what about Brexit?
What about Brexit?
We are feeling so confused
What about Europe?
What about Europe?
Tell us Jeremy what to do
(Co) On Europe
(Ch) Yes?
(Co) I will say the following
Corbyn says nothing and leaves
(Ch) What did he say?
What does he mean?
I don’t know
What do we do now?
Johnson takes Leave Podium on left
Leave chorus listen
(J) Take back control
Take back control
(LCh) Take back control (take back control)
Take back control (take back control)
(J) It’s Project Fear
It’s Project Fear
Don’t worry about it
It’s Project Fear
(LCh) It’s Project Fear
It’s Project Fear
We’re not worried about it
It’s Project Fear
(J) We can do very well on our own
We will trade with the world on our own
We can control our borders
We can create our laws
Believe in yourself
Believe in yourself
Have confidence believe
(LCh) We believe in ourselves
We believe in ourselves
With confidence believe
We believe in ourselves (believe in ourselves)
We believe in ourselves (believe in ourselves)
We believe in ourselves (believe in ourselves)
We believe in ourselves (believe in ourselves)
Cable takes Remain Podium on right
Remain chorus listen
(Cb) Most of our exports
Go to the EU
We need their people
They need our know-how
They’re fooling us
With the lies on the bus
(Ch) They’re fooling us
With the lies on the bus
(Cb) So I say Bollocks to Brexit
Bollocks to Brexit
(Ch) Bollocks to Brexit (bollocks to Brexit)
Bollocks to Brexit (bollocks to Brexit)
Bollocks to Brexit (bollocks to Brexit)
Bollocks to Brexit (bollocks to Brexit)
(RCh) Bollocks to Brexit (bollocks to Brexit)
Bollocks to Brexit (bollocks to Brexit)
Bollocks to Brexit (bollocks to Brexit)
Bollocks to Brexit (bollocks to Brexit)
Bollocks to Brexit (bollocks to Brexit)
Bollocks to Brexit (bollocks to Brexit)
(LCh) We don’t want no European super-state
We don’t want no unelected bureaucrats
We don’t want no European super-state
We don’t want no unelected bureaucrats
(RCh) European we’re European and we will always be
European we’re European and we will always be
European we’re European and we will always be
European we’re European and we will always be
(LCh) Take back control (take back control)
Take back control (take back control)
Take back control (take back control)
Take back control (take back control)
Suddenly stop and face each other
Full chorus move forward to audience
Which side are you on?
I’m right and you are wrong
This has divided us
Now we can’t get along
Which side are you on?
Should we stay or go?
I’m sure that I’m right
Because Facebook tells me so
We have never been so divided
We cannot agree on anything
I don’t want to make it personal
But I really hate you now
Which side are you on?
I’m right and you are wrong
This has divided us
Now we can’t get along
Which side are you on?
Which side are you on?
Which side are you on?
Which side are you on?
And now it’s time to vote
The nation will decide
Results are coming now
Will we stay or go?
All watch screen
Results show swing to leave
(Commentator) The United Kingdom is leaving the European Union
My Time
Cameron, Farage, Johnson, Gove, Corbyn
Apron
Each enters then leaves, alternate sides
What now?
What does this mean for me?
This wasn’t what I wanted
Not how it should be
Can I stay at the helm?
Can I steady the ship?
Can I steer us through this
Can I retain my grip?
Now we’ve made our bed
And that’s where we have to lie
Is my time over?
Is it time to say goodbye
I love this country and am honoured to have served it
This will be blamed on me
But do I deserve it?
This was my time, my time to lead
I did some good things
Feels like a long time ago
But now it looks like
My time to go
What now?
What does this mean for me?
I can’t believe we won it
Our nation can be free
Can I seize the day?
Can I take the wheel?
Can I take us forward
Can the dream be real?
The old regime has fallen
Clearing the way
For a brand-new future
For Independence Day
This is my time, my time to lead
We can do great things
We can do great things
So take my hand
For the promised land
What now?
What does this mean for me?
I didn’t think this would happen
If I even agree
I rolled the dice
I backed the right horse
It’s really come up trumps for me
I’m an unstoppable force
All my colleagues have fallen
And part the waves for me
Per ardua ad astra
To the stars through adversity
This is my time, my time to lead
No-one can stop me
The planets all align
It’s my time to shine
Hold on there Boris
I’ve been the brains behind all this
I need to step in now
What now?
What does this mean for me?
I’ve waited too long
For what I am due
I am the most qualified of
All to see us through
Cos it’s not yours but my time, my time to lead
In these challenging times
I will be your guide
Everyone else step aside
(Johnson) But what about him?
(Gove) Who?
Curtains open
Chorus on each side
(Johnson) Him!
Johnson points to Corbyn
Corbyn approaches from back
(Chorus) Ah Ah
Oh Jeremy Corbyn
Oh Jeremy Corbyn
Jezza will save us
Jezza will save us
Jezza will save us
Jezza will save us
(Co)
Thank you, thank you
What now?
What does this mean for me?
I can’t believe the Tories
Made such a balls-up here
Is this my chance?
To set us right?
The people are behind me
The workers will unite
I don’t care much for Europe
Socialism is my aim
Maybe the lonely years I spent in my
Allotment weren’t in vain
‘Cos this is my time
(Ch) My time
(Co) My time to lead
A new kind of politics
(Ch) Ah
(Co) With working people first
(Ch) Go Jezza
(Co) Austerity reversed
Chorus leave
Shootout
Cameron, Johnson, Gove, Farage, Corbyn
Full stage
Dark, threatening lights, centre stage only
Cameron enters, worried
Pushes Corbyn aside
(Cameron) Maybe I can stay to steady the ship
Johnson enters
(Johnson) No you won’t, no you won’t
Your time has gone
You have to go
Johnson shoots Cameron, who falls centre stage
I’m the obvious leader amongst us
Gove enters
(Gove) No I can’t support you
You’re a fool, you’re a fool
Gove shoots Johnson, who falls centre stage
I’m the clear leader here
Farage enters
(Farage) No you’re not, no you’re not
You’re a joke and fraud
Farage shoots Gove, who falls centre stage
I’m the main figurehead for Brexit
I must lead us
Corbyn reappears
(Corbyn) No you absolutely must not
Corbyn shoots Farage, who falls centre stage
The workers are with me
The students are with me
The people are with me
Will you join me in a socialist future?
All bodies raise their heads
(All) No we won’t
All shoot Corbyn, who falls centre stage
Silence
My Time (May)
May
Smoke from guns
May appears from back of stage, behind pile of bodies
Walks forward, carefully between bodies
What now?
What does this mean for me?
What happened to everyone?
All gone regrettably
Destiny has brought me here
I must take the reins
It seems this is my fate
I can feel it in my veins
So now it’s my time, my time to lead
The country has chosen
I must respect it
It’s true I didn’t want to leave
But Brexit - means Brexit
Blackout
End Act I
People’s Vote
Remain chorus (R), Leave chorus (L)
Full stage
Chorus with banners
(R) We don’t want no Brexit
We can see no good
Now we know a lot more
We were sold a dud
Give us a people’s vote
Give us another vote
Let us vote again
(L) Remoaners, remoaners
Will you guys never quit
This is a democracy
You lost, get over it
Brexit now
We want Brexit now
Let’s go!
(R) Our leaders have betrayed us
Promised us the skies
Pledges that they made us
They were all just lies
Give us another vote
Give us a people’s vote
Give us another vote
Let us vote again
(L) Remoaners, remoaners
We’re leaving that’s a fact
Leave means leave, it’s over
Why can’t you get over that?
Brexit now
We want Brexit now
Let’s go!
(All) Brexit still divides us
(R) Everything is so wrong
(All) Brexit still divides us
(L) Why’s it taking so long
(All) Brexit still divides us (what happens now?)
Brexit still divides us (what happens now?)
Fade while leaving stage
We Don’t Need Europe Any More
Gove, Bullingdon Boys
Apron
Gove appears
Hello again
Ready to hear what happens next?
Well here we are
Our plan paid off
Leaving the EU, who would have thought it
The main thing is though
In the end
We did our bit, and the population bought it
We may have told
Some porkie pies to get here
But it matters not you see
Because thanks to me
Bullingdon Boys enter
We don’t need Europe any more
We don’t need Europe any more
We don’t need Europe any more
Now we hold all the cards
We don’t need Europe any more
But now you may be asking…
How did we do it?
A secret weapon
A guy called Dominic, a protégé of mine
Social media
A wonderful thing
You can say anything, there are no rules online
We just tell you what you want to hear
We can pander to your every fear
It doesn’t matter if it’s true
(BB) We don’t need Europe any more
We don’t need Europe any more
(G) Facebook, Twitter, YouTube
We don’t need Europe any more
(G) I love them all
We don’t need Europe any more
But that’s not all…
Rupert Murdoch
He helped a lot
Not a fan of Europe, ‘cos his empire doesn’t reach there
He chose Cameron
And all the rest
How can an Aussie have so much influence here
Don’t listen, don’t listen to anyone
Except for my friend Rupe
You should always do what he says
(BB) We don’t need Europe any more
(G) We’re family friends you know
(BB) We don’t need Europe any more
(G) My wife knows his wife
(BB) We don’t need Europe any more
(G) One of them anyway
We don’t need Europe any more
A lot of fun, but…
What happens now
With May in charge?
She thinks she’s made it but is too much of a loner
Not many friends
Too many foes
Both left and right already plotting to dethrone her
She won’t listen, won’t listen to anyone
Thinks she’s holding the middle ground
But guess what – there isn’t one!
(BB) We don’t need Europe any more
(G) We don’t need Europe any more
(BB) We don’t need Europe any more
(G) We don’t need Europe any more
(BB) We don’t need Europe any more
(G) We don’t need Europe any more
(BB) We don’t need Europe any more
So let’s see how she’s getting on…
No Choice (May)
May (M), Supporter (S), Tories chorus (Ch)
Full stage
Cabinet sits on far side of long table
Space in centre for Prime Minister
(S) The cabinet is waiting for you, Prime Minister
Prime Minister May enters and goes to her place, but
remains standing
(M) There’s a problem in our party
And it’s tearing us a part
(Party apart)
(Party apart)
I need to go to Brussels
And for that I need support
(You need support)
(Can’t give support)
What can I do?
If I don’t fix this now
It will break us apart
I’m calling an election
It’s the best place to start
I have no choice
Cabinet looks worried
May walks forward from the table
Some of his supporters follow her
They’ll have to support me
Our majority is slim
(It’s not enough)
(It’s not enough)
If they don’t they’ll get Corbyn
And no-one wants him
(No we don’t)
(Communist)
We have no choice
If we don’t work together
We could let the reds get in
(S) Let’s have an election
It’s the best way to win
(M) How can this fail?
Vote
(Ch) And now it’s time to vote
The nation will decide
Results are coming now
Will she stay or will she go?
All watch the screen
Results are a reduced Tory vote, <50%
May looks horrified and panicked
Verse 3
(M) How did this happen?
Why did no-one follow me?
(Can’t give support)
(Can’t give support)
We’re still the largest party
But lost our majority
(It’s getting worse)
(Going
in reverse)
What did go wrong?
If need to find a party
Who will help us stay in power
But who can we approach
Who could still help us at this hour?
What can we do?
(S1) What about the DUP
They’re usually supportive
(S2) They’re principles are basically
The same as ours – well sort of
(S3) But the DUP are difficult
To work with so they say
(M) Well we have to try it
‘Cos there is no other way
(Ch) Call them now
Or we will have lost her
Someone please call Belfast
(M) And get hold of Arlene Foster
DUP Rap
Foster (F), May (M), Translator (T)
Apron
May and some Tories enter from the left
Foster and some DUP enter from right
Wearing full Orangeman regalia
Orange pipe band music
(F) Bout ye fellas my name is Arlene
I’m the oul doll youse wanna be seein’
Had thon vote but youse didna won it
Got a wee problem now youse all are scunnered
May and Tories look confused
(M) I’m sorry I think we’re going to need a translator
Curtain opens
Translator appears with tablet
Reads out translation
Translation shows on screen
(T) Good day, my name is Arlene Foster
As Leader of the Democratic Unionist Party I’ll be happy to speak with you today
I understand you are in some difficulty following the recent General Election
(M) Thank you
May approaches Foster
You’re correct that given our disposition
We’d like to make you a proposition
We wondered if you might envision
Joining us in a loose coalition?
Foster nods, confers with colleagues
Then returns
(F) Here’s me wha, and boys a dear
Youse all banjaxed sorry to hear
Aye we’ll help ya beezer dead on
Youse help us and youse can get on
May and Tories look confused
And look to the translator
(T) Though surprised, we sympathise with your predicament
And are happy to help in exchange for a certain quid-pro-quo
(F) No Latin ya papist scum!
(F) Houl yer whisht and wind yer neck in
Ach thon needs some ogeous handlin
Aye the price of thon is a terra
Billion pounds we’ll work together
May and Tories look to translator
(T) This may seem expensive, but we will be happy to enter into an agreement with you in exchange for an extra one billion pounds to be invested in the province
May and Tories huddle to consider offer
(M) Having discussed your generous deal
It is acceptable we feel
We look forward to your aid
(F) So it is – when the cheque is paid
All shake hands
(M) Goodbye
(F) Buck eejits
All leave the stage
Glorious Defeat
Corbyn (C), Labour (L)
Apron
Corbyn and supporters enter
(C) Greetings my comrades
It is good to see you here to day
Our election work is done
The voters now have had their say
(L) Oh Jeremy Corbyn
Yes Jeremy Corbyn
(C) Our campaign was excellent
Our manifesto was sublime
It’s true we didn’t win
But never mind our message was divine
Yes the Tories are still in power
But I think this was my finest hour
It was a glorious defeat
A glorious defeat
The way we lost fills me with pride
I feel victorious inside
(L) It was a glorious defeat
A glorious defeat
We failed to win we came up short
It was a triumph of a sort
Oh Jeremy Corbyn
Oh Jeremy Corbyn
(C) I showed my principles
Of socialism all along
Not so many voted for me
But that doesn’t make me wrong
(L) Oh Jeremy Corbyn
Yes Jeremy Corbyn
(C) You have trusted in my judgement
And I thank you in return
Sadly most of Britain
Isn’t as wise as us in Islington
(C) Yes we are still in opposition
But we still made the right decision
It was a glorious defeat
A glorious defeat
We lost the vote but won inside
Our victory fills me with pride
(L) It was a glorious defeat (a glorious)
A glorious defeat (a glorious)
We failed again we lost once more
But happy where we were before
(L) Oh Jeremy Corbyn
Oh Jeremy Corbyn
(C) A glorious defeat
Fade as leave stage
Can’t Have It Both Ways
May (M), Barnier (B), Junckers
(J), Foster (F), Brit team (Br), Euro team (Eu)
Full stage
Two negotiating tables face each other (at angle)
UK team on left, Euro on right
Barnier and Junckers step
forward
(B) Welcome, welcome, welcome everyone
To the first phase of our negotiations today
I’m Michel Barnier
(J) And I am Jean-Claude Juncker
And we welcome you to Brussels on this special day
May stands to speak
(M) Thank you very much Mr Juncker, Mr Barnier
We are here very much in a spirit of friendship
Europeans giggle
And are aware of how much there is to do
But we will work with you together as equals
Europeans giggle
To arrive at a positive deal with you
May sits
(B) Of course, of course
(J) So let’s begin, with step 1: Article Fifty
Are you ready to take this step today?
Are ready and willing
(B) Ready and willing
(J) To commit to invoking this act today
May stands confidently
(M) Yes we are, yes we are
(Br) Yes we are, yes we are
We are fully committed and ready to leave
May sits
(J) But are you sure, as we don’t yet
Really have a plan?
We understand your eagerness but don’t know how
(B) When you’re back in London
This can’t be undone
Do you really want to take this step right now?
May stands, more hesitantly
(M) Y….yes we do, yes we do
(Br) Yes we do, yes we do
We’re fairly confident and somewhat prepared
And we really want to leave today
Most of us are sure we want to leave today
May sits
(J) OK let’s move to step 2: future relationship
What is the proposal from our UK friends
(B) Yes Prime Minister please take the floor
And tell us all what you intend
May stands and takes the floor
(M) Well, we would like…
Free movement of goods and services…
But not free movement of people
Negotiation points show on screen
Europeans laugh
(M) Also, we would like…
Free access for our financial sector…
But without being subject to your laws
Europeans laugh
Furthermore, we want…
The right to set our own food standards
But still sell you our food
Europeans continuous laughing
May returns to seat
Barnier and Junckers step
forward
(J) So now we…
Looks back at delegation
Stop laughing!
So now we move to step 3: EU response
For this I hand you to Mr Barnier
As the representative of our Union
He has something he would like to say
(B) You… can’t have it both ways
You can’t have it both ways
You can’t cherry pick just the parts you like
You can take our rules or you can take a hike
No you can’t have it
You can’t have it
You can’t have it both ways
You’ve got to take the good with the bad
You’ve got to take the good with the bad
You have to decide if you are in or out
I need to make it clear so there is no doubt
You can’t have it
You can’t have it
You can’t have it both ways
May comes forward and approaches Barnier privately
(M) You have to understand me Michel
I’m being pressured here from my side as well
We all know it would be silly to leave without a deal
So I need something I can sell
Please be flexible with me Michel
Barnier moves away from her to address everyone
(B) I’m sorry but you can’t have it both ways
You can’t have it both ways
You can’t cherry pick just the parts you choose
You can’t be in the club without paying the dues
You can’t have it
You can’t have it
You can’t have it both ways
You’ve got to take the rough with the smooth
(Got to take the rough with the smooth)
You’ve got to take the rough with the smooth
(Got to take the rough with the smooth)
You have to decide are you in or out
(In Out)
I’ll say it again so there is no doubt
(Can’t shake it all about)
(B, Eu) You can’t have it
You just can’t have it
You can’t have it both ways
(M) We’re leaving!
May motions to delegates
They stand and start to leave
(J) No! Stop! Stop!
Before you go there’s just one more thing…
May and delegates return to their seats
May I just raise now stage 4: tax evasion
We are bringing in a new law you need to know about
We will outlaw all tax havens
On our continent and all around
And most of those are British Dependencies
So you will have to close them down
May stands confidently to respond
(M) That’s no problem Mr Junckers
We do not allow tax to go overseas
I can assure you that no member of my government has ever been involved in these
UK delegates look embarrassed
And that includes their families
May looks at her delegates
Isn’t that right?
They hide their faces, look away
She looks to the wings where her husband Philip is
standing
Philip?
Philip smiles, embarrassed
May shakes her head
Let’s go!
May motions to delegates
They stand and start to leave
(B) No! Stop! Stop!
I’m sorry but there’s one more thing Prime Minister
May and delegates return
Barnier urges band to restart music
Let us discuss now step 5: Northern Ireland
We need to remind you of a previous pact Under the terms
Of the Good Friday Agreement
Open borders to Ireland must remain intact
(M) So?
(J) So if we can’t arrive at some agreement
Then the rules of both countries must remain the same
What that means is Northern Ireland must
Remain in Europe in all but name
May stands confidently to respond
(M) That’s no problem Mr Junckers
I am sure that we will find a deal
But if not we can allow Northern Ireland
To be governed by your laws I feel
Acceptable though not ideal
That’s alright isn’t it?
(Br) Yes it is, yes it is
Foster stands to object strongly
(F) Nooooooooooooooo
(Br) No it isn’t, no it isn’t
(F) You eejits
Northern Ireland is part of the UK
And it always will be so
We cannot be different
And remember you require our votes you know
In that case then all of the UK
Must remain if not then we say noooooooo
(M) That will be difficult but I’ll take it back to Parliament
They all should support me there
They all love me because I’m strong and stable
And otherwise we won’t get anywhere
And I don’t think they’ll really care
May and delegates start to leave
Addressing them while they leave
(B) Au revoir!
(J)
Wiedersehen!
(B) Good luck
(J) And remember...
(Eu) You know you can’t have it both ways
You can’t have it both ways
You can’t have your cake and eat it too
I’m sure you can understand our point of view
You can’t have it
You can’t have it
You can’t have it both ways
You’ve got to take the good with the bad
You’ve got to take the good with the bad
You have to decide are you in or out
I’ll say it again so there is no doubt
You can’t have it
You can’t have it
You can’t have it both ways
You can’t have it
You just can’t have it
You can’t have it both ways
My Time (Johnson)
May (M), Johnson (J)
Apron
May enters from left
(M) What now?
I need my party now
I need support from Boris
And all his friends somehow
Can I stay at the helm?
For the Union’s sake?
Surely he will see
The nation’s future is at stake
Boris enters from right
May addresses Johnson
Boris please support me
Consider Britain here
There are more important things
Than you and your career
(J) Well no there isn’t
And I can’t support your motion
It’s time for you to go
The party has chosen
Johnson supporter sneaks up on May from behind
Puts a bag over her head and drags her off stage
Johnson walks to centre stage
And now it’s my time, _my time to lead
_My time for greatness
My destiny is finally due
Now no-one tells me _what to do
Destroy
Cummings
Curtains open to full stage
Tories sitting on left and light for cabinet meeting
Cummins enters from back, wearing scary mask throwing
flames
Runs at Tories who run away off stage
Johnson looks worried, moves to side
Cummings sings in metal-style growl
Aaarrrr
Aaarrrr
Destroy, destroy, destroy, destroy
I am Dom, Dom the destroyer
I am Dom, Dom the destroyer
Fear me you scum
I will crush you all
Fear me you scum
I will crush you all
Everything is broken here
I must destroy it
It can be rebuilt
But not till it is smashed
Smashed
Aaarrrr
The civil service
It should to help us
Instead it stands in our way
We must annihilate it
Annihilate
Aaarrrr
Destroy, destroy, destroy, destroy
I am Dom, Dom the destroyer
I am Dom, Dom the destroyer
Fear me you scum
I will crush you all
Fear me you scum
I will crush you all
Parliament
It should be behind us
But it questions everything
No more
No more
Aaarrrr
Aaarrrr
Loud music suddenly stops, and turns into quiet
“elevator” music
Cummings takes off mask and suddenly becomes
non-threatening
Addresses the audience, talking conversationally
You know, I’m often accused of being a bit pushy
Maybe a little too forward in my opinions
Well it’s true I am quite a self-confident person
But really I’m a very friendly chap
Only too keen to help if someone needs my advice
On a question of policy or helping out in a campaign of some sort
I’m actually very amenable and tolerant
I do find some things a little irritating
When I feel that we’re not all working together
Gets more irritated
Or when someone tries to take decisions where they don’t really have the talent for it
In that case I might make some effort to change their mind
Puts on mask and becomes threatening again
I might take them aside quietly
Explain what they should do
And what happens if they don’t
That I’ll end their careers
Back to original style
Do what I say or I’ll pull out your heart
I’ll rip the flesh off your bones
Stamp you into the dirt
And eat your children
Aaarrrr
Destroy, destroy, destroy, destroy
I am Dom, Dom the destroyer
I am Dom, Dom the destroyer
Fear me you scum
I will crush you all
Fear me you scum
I will crush you all
Runs off stage, threatening others on the way
No Choice (Johnson)
Gove (G), Johnson (J), (C) Cummings, Tories (T), Arcuri
(A), Supporter (S)
Full stage
Cabinet reappears cautiously and sits
Leave supporters on left, remain on right
Space in centre for Prime Minister
(S) The cabinet is waiting for you Mr Johnson
Prime Minister Johnson enters but stays mid-stage
Gove joins him and addresses him
(G) There’s a problem in our party
And it’s getting in our way
(Getting in our way)
(We want to stay)
We must deliver Brexit
But still many want to stay
(Get us out)
(Keep us in)
(J) What shall we do?
(G) If we don’t get more power
The remainers could stop you
Call an election
It’s the only thing to do
We have no choice
(J) But surely we can’t now ask everyone to vote again?
Didn’t we just try that and it didn’t work out then?
(G) Yes we can and we should win, the polls all say it’s true
They didn’t like Theresa but they’re much more keen on you
Cummings enters suddenly, grabs hair of Johnson and
Gove and bangs heads together
(C) Shut up both of you and listen carefully to me
Tell them what they want to hear and then I guarantee
Do exactly as I say and we can win by miles
These will be our slogans, just repeat this with a smile
Cummings points to screen where slogans are displayed
Get Brexit done
Leave, deal or no deal
Corbyn is a communist
We must respect the mandate of the people
Tories follow Cummings’ direction, repeating slogans
(T) Get Brexit done
Leave, deal or no deal
Corbyn is a communist
We must respect the mandate of the people
Vote
And now it’s time to vote
The nation will decide
Results are coming now
Will he stay or will he go?
All watch the screen
Results are a large Tory majority
Everyone cheers and claps
Johnson raises hands
Johnson is crowned and fitted with gown, like a king
(J) This is my time, my time to lead
I am Prime Minister
With a huge majority
The world is at my feet
Johnson waves regally to supporters
Sudden spotlight on Arcuri, who is at the side of the
stage behind the crowd
Arcuri
(A) What now?
What does this mean for us?
All our dreams are happening
All those plans that we discussed
What will this change?
Will he call me again?
More than likely we’ll be
Moving into number ten
Calls towards Boris to get his attention
Boris, over here
I’ve been calling you all day
(G) Who is that?
(J) I don’t know
Can we make her go away?
Boris supporter sneaks up on Arcuri from behind
Puts a bag over her head and drags her off stage
Cos’ this is my time, _my time to lead
Churchill and Roosevelt
Rolled into one
Now we will get Brexit done
Throne appears
Churchill/Roosevelt pictures on screen
Johnson moves slowly towards it and sits on it
Glorious Defeat (Reprise)
Corbyn (C), Labour supporters (L)
Apron
Corbyn and supporters enter
(C) Greetings my comrades
We are meeting here again today
Once again we spoke and our
Constituents have had their say
(L) Oh Jeremy Corbyn
Yes Jeremy Corbyn
(C) Our campaign was perfect
From a team on which I can rely
Yes we lost by more than last time
Yet we hold our heads up high
_Yes again the Tories beat us
_But that just proves we are the intellectual leaders
It was a glorious defeat
A glorious defeat
The way we lost fills me with pride
I feel victorious inside
(L) It was a glorious defeat
A glorious defeat
We lost again but are aligned
It was a triumph in our mind
Oh Jeremy Corbyn
Yes Jeremy Corbyn
(C) We lost the vote by far
But still have won the argument
We may find we have a lot less
Power now in parliament
(L) Oh Jeremy Corbyn
Yes Jeremy Corbyn
(C) Mere votes cannot reflect
The principles for which we strive
Demonstrated here
Our biggest loss since 1935
Such a record-breaking defeat in an election
Thus confirms we are going in the right direction
Some supporters look confused
It was a glorious defeat
A glorious defeat
We lost by far but won inside
Our victory fills me with pride
(L) It was a glorious defeat
A glorious defeat
The workers will unite, it’s just
That they are not as bright as us
(L) Oh Jeremy Corbyn
Oh Jeremy Corbyn
(C) A glorious defeat
Start to leave the stage
Corbyn leaves last behind the final supporter
(C) I’ll stay on as leader, right?
(Supporter) Oh yes, sure
Can’t Have It Both Ways (Johnson)
Johnson (J), Barnier (B), Junckers
(Ju), Foster (F), Brit team (Br), Euro team (Eu)
Full stage
Two negotiating tables face each other (at angle)
UK team on left, Euro on right
Barnier and Junckers step
forward
(B) Welcome welcome everyone
To the second phase of our negotiations today
I’m Michel Barnier
(Ju) And I’m still Jean-Claude Juncker
And we can’t wait to see what you have to say
Johnson stands to speak
(J) Thank you very much Mr Juncker Mr Barnier
I have always been a supporter of this Union
Europeans giggle
Having had some experience working here
I always held the greatest of respect for you
Europeans giggle
And together hope we can agree
Johnson sits
(B) Of course, of course
(Ju) Could we consider first some previous comments
That you once made as a reporter here
In the nineties for a certain newspaper
You made some claims, now let me see…
(B) “Eurocoffins” “Banana police force”
And then Prawn Cocktail crisps of course
(Ju) Kippers shipped in frozen containers
(B) All of these were absolutely false
Johnson stands to speak
(J) Well now I say, er, Mr Junckers
That was a long time ago you see
Much of it was, how’d you say, tongue-in-cheek
Where’s your sense of comedy?
Johnson motions to British delegation to laugh
They laugh – artificially & forced
Johnson sits
(B) Well now you can’t have it both ways
You can’t have it both ways
You can’t ridicule us when we’re not to blame
You can’t be joker like it’s all a game
No you can’t have it
You can’t have it
You can’t have it both ways
(B,Eu) You’ve got to take the good with the bad
You’ve got to take the good with the bad
You have to decide if you are in or out
I need to make it clear so there is no doubt
You can’t have it
You can’t have it
You can’t have it both ways
Johnson looks unconcerned
(Ju) So can I bring up once more Northern Ireland
Both the North and South must stay the same
In the case of no deal Northern Ireland
Must remain in Europe in all but name
Johnson stands to respond
(J) That’s no problem Mr Junckers
Now I’m here we’ll surely find a deal
We will wash our hands of Northern Ireland
Delegation look shocked
It’s no problem if we cut them free
Drop them in the Irish Sea
Turns to delegation for agreement
We can do that, can’t we?
They shake heads and disagree
(Br) No we can’t! No we can’t!
Foster stands to object
(F) Nooooooooooooooo
Boris supporter sneaks up on Foster from behind
Puts a bag over her head and drags her off stage
(Br) Yes we can! Yes we can!
Johnson turns to address B/Ju again
(M) We will pass this through our Parliament
Our support is much improved
I can do just what I like now
All dissent has been removed
We Don’t Need Ireland Any More
Gove, Bullingdon Boys
Apron
Gove appears
Well there we are
In one quick move
Cut free the Irish, who would have guessed it
The main thing is though
Now that’s done
We have our hands on the nuclear button, and we pressed it
Now the ride has just begun
It may not suit everyone
Especially those in Belfast
Bullingdon Boys appear
(BB) We don’t need Ireland any more
(G) They were always trouble
(BB) We don’t need Ireland any more
(G) Even after the Troubles
(BB) We don’t need Ireland any more
(G) Good riddance to Arlene Foster
(BB) We don’t need Ireland any more
I don’t think we’ll be seeing her again…
Leave stage
Discarded
Foster (F), May (M), Arcuri (A)
Full stage
Curtains open to Foster centre stage
Screen shows N Ireland countryside
(F) The happiest times of my life
Were playing on the family farm I adored
We had to move when the provos came to kill my father
Then they blew up my school bus with me on board
Screen shows corresponding newspaper headline
You all think you know me
The aggressive cow who won’t agree to anything
But when someone wants to take away your land forever
What would you do?
I only want to hold our country together
Screen off
I had a chance
But it didn’t last
Discarded in the end
Broken promises
So now I’m pushed aside
Left behind
My time had come but
No more
No more
But don’t feel sorry for me
I’m still following my dreams
And no man will tell me when it’s over
Foster moves to left of stage
May enters from right
Takes centre stage
Screen shows English countryside
(M) When I was a young girl
Running in the fields of wheat
As early as I remember
I had one principle I believed in
And it was duty
You all think you know me
Bloody difficult woman who’s awkward and won’t listen
But I only wanted to serve my country
The country that I love so dear
I never wanted fame or money
Unlike everyone else round here
Screen off
Then I got my chance
But was given an impossible hand
My friends turned against me
Discarded in the end
Broken promises
(M, F) I was pushed aside
I was left behind
My time had come but
(M) No more
(F) No more
(M) No more
(F) No more
(M) But don’t feel sorry for me
I’m still following my dreams
(M, F) And no man will tell me when it’s over
Screen shows footage of May leaving Downing St
May moves to right of stage
Arcuri enters and takes centre stage
(A) You all think you know me
The pole-dancing slut who entrapped the Prime Minister
Well let me tell you what I really do
Look up Hacker House and Innotech too
Screen shows company logos
I train companies on cyber-security
Spoofing, spear-phishing, website vulnerability
If you don’t know what those things are then it’s you who needs sympathy
In fact I may be the only one here who does something good for the economy
I had my chance to grow all this
But that’s all gone now, so I’m off to Los Angeles
Discarded in the end
Broken promises
I was
(A, M, F) Pushed aside
I was left behind
My time had come but
(A) No more
(M) No more
(F) No more
(A) No more
(M) No more
(F) No more
(A) But don’t feel sorry for me
(A, M) I’m still following my dreams, and
(A, M, F) No man will tell me when it’s over
(A) I was
(A, M, F) Pushed aside
(A) I was
(A, M, F) Left behind
Betrayed this time, but
(A) No more
(M) No more
(F) No more
(A) No more
(M) No more
(F) No more
Fade to black
Covfefe
Trump, Security
Apron
Still blackout from previous
Offstage announcement
Ladies and gentlemen: the President of the United States Of America
Security enter from left
Security are 3 female backing singers
Music is “Hail To The Chief”
They motion for Trump to enter
They move to mic stands on right
He enters to centre stage, waving
Starts to sing in the style of James Brown
Ow
Covfefe
Addresses nearest security
Boris is good, he’ll do a good job
They call him Britain’s Trump, y’all
(Trump y’all)
They like me over here, call me Mr Brexit
They need to build a big wall
(Big wall)
Johnson enters from right
So Boris now you’re President of England
Whatcha gonnna do
(Watcha gonna do)
You know me I don’t want to interfere
But ya gotta think it through
(Gotta think it through)
Listen man what I say
It’s my way or the highway
Hey kid, won’t you follow me (Oo follow me)
Come with me Boris, now you’re gonna be free (Oo gonna be free)
Nobody’s ever been more successful than me
Despite the negative press
Covfefe
Trump approaches Johnson, puts arm around him
Hey, you’re a good friend
We’re gonna do a trade deal
It’s gonna be cool
(It’s gonna be cool)
It’s gonna be bigger than what we have now
Maybe two times
Looks around, surprised that band has stopped
Maybe three times
Understands and continues
Give it to me four times
Walks back centre stage
We will buy
Your fish and chips and Beatles
I love Liverpool
(We love Liverpool)
All I want is to sell you some of our stuff
Cos’ I ain’t no fool
(Ain’t no fool)
Hollywood and Nashville
GM food and fentanyl
Hey kid, won’t you follow me
Come with me Boris, now you’re gonna be free
Nobody’s ever been more successful than me
My IQ is one of the highest
Covfefe
Addresses band and security
Take it to the bridge
Let’s take it to the bridge
Yeah
I would give myself an A+ (A++)
I would give myself an A+(A++)
I need loyalty, I expect loyalty
Make America great again, ow (America)
Why are all these people
From shithole countries coming here (shithole)
Why are all these people
From shithole countries coming here (shithole)
I don’t want these people coming over here
They’re bringing drugs, they’re bringing crime
They’re rapists
(Rapists)
Well…
Segue next song
Sue
Trump, Security
Gonna tell you a little story about an old girlfriend of mine (hey hey hey hey)
I think you might know her, her name was Theresa (May May May May)
We spent time together, back in the day (day day day day)
We’d hold hands and play in the Rose Garden – special times, special times (play play play play)
I said to Theresa, don’t negotiate
But she didn’t listen man, till it was too late
Poor girl, all she wanted was to please
But these people don’t even pay their NATO fees
What ya gotta do (oo)
What ya really gotta do (oo)
Is sue (sue sue sue the EU)
I have tremendous respect for women, really I do (hey hey hey hey)
If my daughter wasn’t my daughter, maybe I’d be dating her (someday someday)
But then some women, you have to treat them like shit (not ok, not ok)
When you’re famous you can do anything
Grab them by the…
Moves towards security
They motion him away
(Hands away hands away)
The beauty of me, is that I’m very rich
I won’t be the one who’s found dead in a ditch
I didn’t go bankrupt and beat China all the time
I didn’t get where I am playing nickel and dime
What ya gotta do (oo)
What ya really gotta do (oo)
Is sue (sue sue sue the EU)
Mark my words
What ya gotta do (oo)
What ya really gotta do (oo)
Is sue (sue sue sue the EU)
(Oo)
(Sue sue sue the EU)
Helper comes onstage
Puts USA flag around Trump
Starts to lead him offstage slowly
Suddenly throws off flag
Returns to centre stage
Islam hates us, people
What ya gotta do (Oo)
What ya really gotta do (Oo)
Is sue (sue sue sue the EU)
(Oo)
(Sue sue sue the EU)
Helper comes onstage again
Puts flag around Trump
Starts to lead him offstage slowly
Suddenly throws off flag
Returns to centre stage
Sorry losers and haters
What ya gotta do (oo)
What ya really gotta do (oo)
Is sue (sue sue sue the EU)
Make America great again
We’re gonna miss you
Junckers (J), Barnier
(B)
Full stage
Junckers and Barnier
on stage
With mics, in the style of lounge singers
Addressing audience
(B) We’re gonna miss you when you’re gone
We’ve been together for so long
Maybe it’s best if we part our ways
(J) We can both move on without delays
(B) We’re gonna miss you when you’re gone
We could never seem to get along
Good luck guys, and see you around
(B, J) Hope it goes well on your own
(B) What are we going to do without you
We’ve had reservations too
_In many ways you’ve held us back
(J) Now maybe we can get back on track
What are we going to do without you
(B) We have some plans, just a few
(J) Good luck guys, wiedersehen
(B) Adieu
(B, J) Hope it works out well for you
(J) _Hope it goes well with all your deals
(B) But who’s going to work in your fields?
(J) We wish you well with all your plans
(B) But who’s going to drive your delivery vans?
(J) _Yes it’s true we have our problems too
Barnier takes
out hipflask
(B) I’ll drink to that
(J) _I can see why these might worry you
(B) _C’est vrai, _we have a lot to do, mon amis
Let me tell you about a few
(B) Refugees from round the world
Are fleeing hate and war
Lots are coming here it’s true
But should we keep an open door?
What attracts a refugee?
Well it’s the best place to be
And you want to leave us for something better?
(J) Populists are gaining power
Outside our borders and within
Salvini, Orban, Kaczynski
The AfD back in Berlin
But are they really going to leave?
That’s unlikely I believe
Now they’ve seen what’s happened when you tried it
(B) What about our Southern states?
Greece, Spain and Italy?
Can we keep asking the North
To rescue them from bankruptcy?
Yes, as history has shown
Yes we look after our own
But that doesn’t include you now
(J,B) But I’m sure you’ll get along somehow
(J,B) We’re gonna miss you when you’re gone
Keep calm and carry on
(B) Beijing, Washington, and Moscow
(J) You’ll be on your own with those guys now
(B) What are they going to do with you guys
You don’t look like much in their eyes
(J) Good luck then, and see you again
Hope that all your dreams come true
(B) Adieu mes amis
(J,B) Hope that all your dreams come true
(J) Auf weidersehen meine Freunde
(J,B) Hope that all your dreams come true
Independence Day
Cable (C), Farage (F), Chorus (Ch)
Apron
Farage appears, addressing audience
(C) So what have we learned here today?
That depends on your point of view
And who you want to trust
Did all this really happen?
Maybe this portrayal was misleading or unjust?
Valid questions, these
Fact-check all of them please
(C) And what about our story?
How does it end?
Well, the truth is, it never really does
Our relationship with Europe
Will keep on changing as it has for thousands of years
But on this special day
I suppose we must give Nigel his say
Curtains open to reveal Farage and Chorus celebrating
(Ch) Ah…
(F) Independence Day
Now we have our country back
The country that I love
Breaking free was our destiny
To new heights above
We can have it all
Crowds of smiling faces
On this historic day
Standing back on our own two feet
Making our own way
All the pieces came together
OK there were a few small bumps along the way
But was it all a good idea?
Will Britain prosper now we’ve finally got a away?
When who can really say?
I think we’ll be OK
And I had a lot of fun along the way
Independence Day (ah)
Now we have our country back
The country that I love (country that I love)
Breaking free was our destiny
(F, Ch) To new heights above
(F) We can have it all
A bright and glorious future lies before us all today (independence)
Standing back on our own two feet
(F, Ch) Making our own way
(Ch) Independence Day
Now we have our country back
The country that we love
Breaking free was our destiny
To new heights above
We can have it all
A bright and glorious future lies before us all today
Standing back on our own two feet
Making our own way
Independence Day
Now we have our country back
The country that we love
Breaking free was our destiny
To new heights above
We can have it all
A bright and glorious future lies before us all today
Standing back on our own two feet
Making our own way
End Act II